- by Noah Were you under the misapprehension that you would never have to hear the name Ken Starr, ever again? Fear not! Sure, one could only hope that Ken Starr and his bad name would slither back under the rock from which he came, but the evil ones never really disappear. At the very least, they leave a trail. Thanks to a recent article in the New York Times, however, we are offered a glimpse at Starr’s pathetic attempt to reinvent himself as a normal, well-adjusted human. Starr was once a federal judge in the Reagan administration and he was once the Solicitor General under the first President George Bush. After being named by Congress as an independent counsel in 1994 to investigate the suicide of Clinton White House deputy counsel Vince Foster when Republicans across the Republican political and media landscape were claiming Foster was somehow murdered by the Clintons, he rapidly expanded his investigation to peep into President Clinton’s sex life. In a classic example of NY Times understatement and reserve, the Times article, slyly titled Kenneth Starr, Who Tried To Bury Bill Clinton, Now Only Praises Him, begins-
An unlikely voice recently bemoaned the decline of civility in presidential politics, warned that “deep anger” was fueling an “almost radical populism” and sang the praises of former President Bill Clinton-- particularly his “redemptive” years of philanthropic work since leaving the White House. The voice was that of Kenneth W. Starr, the former Whitewater Independent counsel, whose Javert-like pursuit of Mr. Clinton in the 1990s helped bring a new intensity to partisan warfare and led to the impeachment of a president for only the second time in the nation’shistory.
Let that sink in. One of the major architects of the “decline of civility in presidential politics” is now bemoaning that decline of civility. This is like some psycho arsonist with mommy problems lighting several small fires in a packed movie theater and then bolting the doors from the outside before leaving to go find the fire department so he can tell them there’s a fire down at the movie theater. As he should be, Ken Starr will always be known as the twisted holier-than-thou chronicler of President Bill Clinton’s sex life, a sex life that obsesses Republicans to this day in the same way that people who buy 20 lottery tickets a week fantasize about what it would be like to be rich beyond their wildest dreams. It’s a fixation. In the 18th century, another attorney, a Scotsman named James Boswell (1740-1795), chronicled English writer Samuel Johnson in his The Life Of Samuel Johnson” (1709-1784) in what amounts to staggering detail. In fact, to this day, it is the most famous biography in English literature: giving the reader a fine glimpse at a segment of 18th century life. Boswell did the world and historians a service. Not so, Ken Starr. Starr took the Boswell idea a whole lot further, taking it down a much narrower and darker road, compiling and chronicling what should be called The Sex Life Of Bill Clinton. Cheered on by his fellow crotch-clutching Republicans, he did his exhaustive research all in an effort to find a way to impeach President Clinton. His chronicle even went so far as to describe the size of and any “spots” on the presidential penis. Starr also wrote of the most cherished garment in Republican World: Monica Lewinsky’s semen stained blue dress. To this day, Lewinsky’s dress is revered by Republicans and spoken of in hushed tones as if it is a modern day Shroud of Turin. It is a holy relic of their self-righteousness. It would not shock me if it now resides in some sort of private Republican museum, where it is viewable only to six figure donors to the party’s candidates and causes. When Bill O’Reilly starts selling merchandise on his show, replica Lewinsky dresses will be near the top of the list of items for sale. Herr Trump is, even now, bringing it all up in a sick effort to trash the very woman who was the victim of her husband’s affairs. Back then, the salivating House and Senate Republicans flogged themselves into a fervor and demanded that the fruits of Starr’s investigations and inquisitions, The Starr Report, be released, not only to them so they could eagerly read it and quote from it, but published in book form for all to see. They really, genuinely thought that the great silent majority of the American population would be filled with such revulsion at the idea that a president got a blow job and then lied about it that they would demand he be sent packing immediately. They guessed wrong. You see; we assume that our presidents, at least the non-Republican ones, have sex. Some might even see it as one of the perks of the job. Imagine if Ken Starr had been around in JFK’s day. The Kennedy White House might have been so preoccupied with defending itself that JFK couldn’t have properly dealt with the Cuban Missile Crisis. None of us would be here today, but the Republicans of the day would have gotten their pound of flesh so it would have been worth it, to them. Republicans are always obsessed with other people’s sex lives in a major OCD kind of way. They see perversion or impropriety in others when it would just be better if they just looked in the mirror. Newt Gingrich was having at least one affair while he was persecuting Clinton for his. Gingrich’s replacement as Speaker, Bob Livingston, had to resign in mere hours when if became known that he was having an even more “sordid” sex life than Gingrich and Clinton combined. After Livingston in the Republican pantheon of 1990s House Speakers came Dennis Hastert, an admitted serial child molester. But, none of this mattered to Peepshow Starr and his creepy cohorts.Ken Starr and his sicko like-minded Republican brethren have done more damage to this country than any of our 10 mass-murderers you care to mention. Think that’s harsh or even tasteless? Yeah, well, I’m mindful of the hurt that our nation’s mass murderers have caused; the pain the victims’ families have suffered. But, let’s put this in a bigger context: How many of our citizens have died and/or suffered horrible disease or economic setback due to extreme hateful partisan politics that Ken Starr and the likes of Newt Gingrich (who’s currently busy inflating himself up like a puffer fish as the logical choice to be Trump’s VP), his partner in crime, engendered? Benedict Arnold was a blip on the screen of American history next to Ken Starr. In the late 1990s, Ken Starr was nothing short of a major capo in the American Taliban. Now, all these years later, Ken Starr claims he has regrets. He refers to the damaging partisan ugliness that he helped mastermind merely as “unpleasantness.” At a recent panel discussion on the presidency, held at the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia, he expressed regret that so much of President Clinton’s legacy remained viewed through the lens of such “unpleasantness.” No, Kenboy, your proudest creation is way beyond “unpleasantness.” There are better words. Douchebaggery is just one that comes to mind. You really are a sanctimonious turd, Ken Starr; and that’s me being understated and reserved. ADDENDUM: As an example of Ken Starr’s lack of sense and lack of character, take a look at his handling of sex assault charges at Baylor University in Texas, where he is Chancellor and, until he was demoted a few days ago, was President of the school!Baylor is a conservative, Baptist university, by most accounts, a good one, yet, when news of at least eight accusations of sexual assault spread across the campus, Starr, the man who so feverishly investigated President Clinton, said and did little of meaning to address them. He had no comment at all the night when hundreds of students, praying and carrying candles marched on his house back in February.The sex assault allegations involved several Baylor football players. Campus sexual violence is an extremely big issue on today’s college campuses, but not, apparently, to Ken Starr. This isn’t even the first time there have been criminal problems at Baylor. The year 2003 (before Starr took the job) even saw a murder within the school’s basketball program. It’s peculiar that a man who pursued Bill Clinton’s sex life in such painstaking detail wasn’t more vigilant and sensitive to more serious issues in his own backyard. Apparently, to Starr, Baylor campus rape is not so bad, but, consensual sex between two adults, however childish, in the White House? Now, that’s something to go after full throttle. Starr’s approach to this very real crisis at Baylor was to hire a law firm known more for investigating and making policy recommendations for the future, not for doggedly investigating alleged perpetrators for indictment purposes. Under Starr’s guidance of the school, no Title IX representative was even named until 2014. One of the purposes of Title IX is to help protect the civil rights of female students. Unfortunately and all too predictably, Starr took the ol’ ‘sweep it under the rug’ approach to the problems at Baylor: no “unpleasantness” here. Move along! At this point, there is nothing Ken Starr can say or do that would be credible. Attorneys have been disbarred for less important moral infractions. Now, Baylor football coach Art Briles has been fired. Players, past and present are being arrested. Things have finally heated up at Baylor. Judging by their twitter accounts (see the article), however, Baylor’s players don’t see why their coach had to go. So, as I said, of a few days ago, Starr is no longer the president of the university. He has been “removed from office” as it were. However, Starr remains, not as the school president but as one of the university’s law professors. What parent would want a man like Starr teaching law to and influencing their child? Incredibly, Ken Starr is also still the University’s Chancellor. The school describes its Chancellor position as one “centered around development and religious liberty.” As Chancellor, he’ll, doubtlessly be heavily involved in fund raising activities for the school. Maybe he can offer would be big donors a look at that blue dress, through a keyhole, of course. He’ll even have time to answer his true calling and write for the National Enquirer.
