-NoahDateline Washington: The Republican Party proudly announced today that they have made some changes to their traditional elephant symbol. A statement issued by National Republican Party Chairman Reince Mengele read as follows:
It was hard for us to break with our traditional symbol, but we feel strongly that the new symbol reflects the values and attitudes of today's Republican Party. In addition, we will be stepping up our youth outreach programs.To that effect, we are starting up our "Make Playgrounds Great Again" effort. The effort will be lead by Alabama Governor Katherine Kay Kudzu and is already being met with tremendous enthusiasm. You would be amazed if I told you many of our best people, republican men, in particular, are signing up as volunteers for this fantastic program. We will also be revealing a new line of children's wear including "Make Playgrounds Great Again" hats and "Make Playgrounds Great Again" t-shirts. All the clothing will be designed by Ivanka Trump and will be, of course, made by our friends in China. The clothing will be made available on the Trump Family Website. Family values are always a big part of the Republican way of doing things!
At today's White House press gathering, Trump White House Press Secretary Sarah Killer Bee Sanders, wearing a new black and yellow horizontal striped sweater and matching yellow antennae said that this new Republican outreach is meant to show that the Republican Party is "so much more than just a party of angry old white men." She added that the sweater she was wearing will be available in children's sizes. "We want to be sure that no child's behind is left, I mean no child is left, well, you know what I mean."On the road in Alabama, campaigning for republican senatorial candidate Judge Moore Boys, Trump Grand Wizard Bannon, dressed in two Confederate Flag shirts, reassured attendees at a local republican rally that the new outreach to future republican voters would in no way affect the party's efforts to preserve its ideals of white supremacy and tax cuts for the wealthy.