by NoahAs we all know, just about anything can show up in your mail. The other day, I received this letter from Melania Trump. I don't think I have ever received mail from a Republican. Maybe I should just be like some political sleazebag and say "I don't recall."My first reaction to having such a thing in my mailbox was embarrassment. How do I explain this to my letter carrier? How many people at the Post Office saw this? How many times do I have to wash my hands? The emails from Republicans are bad enough, but something I have to actually touch? What's in this envelope? I showed the envelope to my wife. She had the exact same reaction of revulsion. I quickly explained to her that if Melania was writing that she wanted to get together with me, well, not to worry. I'm in no way interested. She knew that. But, there the envelope sat. It sat and sat, beckoning to me. I wonder what's in it? My mind raced with the possibilities.Is it full of anthrax dust? Or is is just one of those whining things like the republican emails I get about her "husband" being unfairly treated by the "fake" news elites and minority groups, pleas to purchase a copy of some idiot book by Newt Gingrich.. that kind of thing. I looked at the still sealed envelope. Is she selling personalized flotation devices? Aluminum siding? Used cars from Kazakhstan? A Putin bobblehead set? Is she selling something with a $130,000 price tag?We'll never know. I didn't open the envelope. I took a sharpie to it and tossed it in the trash. I used up so much ink over her name that she probably got high. Soon the trash would be collected and the envelope wouldl be jammed into a huge plastic bag and taken out to sea to sleep with the fishes. If only other things were so simple.Noah's Note: In creating tonight's meme, I figured that tossing the letter itself wasn't enough. I had second thoughts. I had to document it and it needed an appropriate backdrop. So, I covered up my address and other possible identifying marks, took it outside, dropped it on a typically soiled NYC sidewalk and snapped the picture that you see. Then, being the good and kind citizen that I am, I finally saw an opportunity to double down and make good use for Melania's stationary. An elderly woman came along, walking her tiny dog. After the dog did what dogs do on city sidewalks, I bent down and, using the envelope, I picked up Fido's deposit and put it in the woman's plastic bag for her to dispose of in the proper receptacle. Sleep with the fishes Melania.
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