-by NoahDateline: Undisclosed Location-Vice President Mike Pence was presented with his own personal, giant monogrammed dildo today. As he wept with revealing excitement and joy, it was hard to hear his words of thanks but, we at DWT have some ideas about what he may have said as he expressed his gratitude. Feel free to choose any or all from the following possibilities of "best words":1. Thank you so much! I can't wait to show mother!2. How did you know?3. This is the stuff of my dreams!4. Gosh, I'm not sure it will fit in my closet.5. Donald will be so jealous!6. At least I won't have to pay it $130,000.The giant monogramed dildo was made for the Vice President by Monsanto's Screw the World division. Plans have already been announced for a Kellyanne Conway limited, numbered edition and an extra small dildo pendant and necklace set in fools gold for Senor Trumpanzee. Rumors that Stephen Miller will be getting a double-header model wearing a KKK hood & sheet ensemble were unconfirmed at press time.
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