-by NoahYep. Oranges don’t fall far from the tree. In this case, the tree is a giant round-ish, blubbery mutant orange tree with a vagina neck and orange science-defying flab-padded branches to match its obese cellulite farm legs that are rooted in some long ago god-forsaken hell-hole of a shithole land some call Mar-a-Lago and some just call Florida. As I noted a few days ago, Florida is a mythical land of giant snakes, virus-laden creepy-crawlies and, yes, tens of thousands of examples of a human subspecies known as Florida Man. It's Trump's official home now. Florida is now Trump. Trump is now Florida. Each one the personification of the other. Can his children be far behind?I repeat because I can. Florida is a place that’s so god-forsaken that Mother Nature has seen fit to wipe the slate clean by ordering daily floods and endless record hurricanes. She has even decreed that the ground beneath its citizens be opened up to swallow them and their housing whole!Let the gators have the rest. Florida is a state made up of villages of the damned. But, far be it from me to cast aspersions upon Flor-i-duh. For what Flor-i-duh has become is only an advance notice of what is happening to the rest of the country. It’s way too late to amputate the place and push it across the gulf to Venezuela where it always belonged. We are all God’s Waiting Room now, and repenting will get you nowhere.Now, ask yourself how a man who only likes white can be so orange. It’s clear that, like his freakish “hair,” his complexion can only be a symptom of the inner core of the disease, a disease of insecurity and psychosis born, most likely, of lead-contaminated breast milk and horrific parenting; a disease that, if you check out his offspring, appears to be more than merely hereditary. This is a disease that can only be eradicated by loading it’s hosts into a rocket ship (Call it Space Force #1) and launching it into a far, far away black hole to be crushed and vaporized into nothingness, and even that might not work but it might buy the universe time to fortify itself for the next permutation.Donald J. Trump is more than a man of 14,000 lies and counting. His cult-like followers and financial supporters worship his every word and his every action. They will follow him and cheer him into whatever hell he drags them, and us. And, no one cheers him more than his own Children Of The Damned, for unlike in the movies, these particular Children Of The Damned did not develop superior mental powers. One wonders if they developed brains at all. They were double damned. Sigh, unfortunately, they could not choose their parents.Donald Jar Jar Trump has four children that we know of. Baron, Don Jr., Eric, and “Princess” Ivanka, aka “the smart one,” aka “The girl of Daddy’s lascivious dreams.”To be fair, and as you know, I’m always fair, The Donald’s mutant offspring never had a chance., and, no, that’s no reason to feel any empathy or sympathy for them. They are what they are, evil little twits.I’ll, more or less, leave Baron out of this discussion. Barron will probably end up the most psychotic, the least intellectually developed, and most dangerous of all. He may have had the worst mother of Trump’s three known wives and he was at the most impressionable age as his father became president and finished his personal journey towards being totally crackers and becoming the president. The word about Baron acting out in school has already started to spread and tales of his schoolboy behavior are quite a series of flashing red lights and sirens.For this post, I’ll concentrate of the three prominent so-called adult children. Donnie Jr., Eric, and Ivanka have all made some wacky news this year, news that such Bizarro World Children are no doubt proud of. Allow me to point out one story for each that represents the absolute idiocy that comes with being a Trump. Describing the Trump spawn as being intellectually stunted doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m sparing Tiffany because, for whatever reason, she has not sought the spotlight so not so much is known about her character. That doesn’t mean I don’t suspect the worst. It just means that, compared to the others, she wisely flies under the radar.1. Donnie Trump Jr.- In his recently released book, Donald Trump, Jr. showed his ability to do exactly what daddy does. He made something all about himself when he had no moral justification to do so. In the book, Junior describes how he once went to Arlington National Cemetery and there, surrounded by the graves of those who had sacrificed everything for their country, he saw and felt nothing. He writes that instead, he couldn’t help but think about the sacrifices he, the great Trump Jr. had made during his hard, hard life! Oh! Poor Donnie Jr.! You gave so much! I can only imagine the trial of wondering where your next bottle of 2010 Chateau Petrus is going to come from. My god! You may have to settle for the 2014 vintage! Oh, the pain! The angst! You gave all that time of your busy self-important day to take a limo and come to Arlington and insult the dead and the country they defended with their lives. They defended it against the people your family and your party loves. Some of them defended it against The Confederacy. Some of them defended it against your beloved Nazis and the rest of the Axis Powers. Some of them defended the country against the North Koreans. Oh, poor Donnie!2. Eric Trump- If his father ran a “Mr. Lights On Nobody Home” pageant, son Eric might stand a good chance of winning, and not just because of the frequently displayed nepotism. I have to say ‘might’ because those lights are only flickering and no one knows how long before Young Eric just turns into a full blown drooling zombie.But here’s Eric’s big 2019 accomplishment in another Trump contest known as the “Please Love Me Daddy Sweepstakes.” On Thanksgiving, Eric The Small Mind created a hashtag all by himself. The hashtag was #LeaveOurPresidentAlone. Maybe he thought daddy would reward him with some Russian pee hookers, I don’t know, but, Eric Of The Flo-Thru Cranium went all out. He got real original and created a brand new hat for daddy and his loathsome supporters. He decided to abbreviate his sad, woebegone hashtag down from “LeaveOurPresidentAlone” to LOPA, no periods or dashes between the letters. There it was, as you can see, LOPA.The LOPA hat is a fine demonstration of the Trump IQ. I mean, If you were going to put LOPA on a hat to honor daddy, wouldn’t you check to see if the word LOPA had any definitions that might not convey your message? Sure you would! Eric Of The Malformed Mind? Not so much.It turns out LOPA means “a thief” in the Slovenian native tongue of his own stepmother, Melania. He could have asked!It gets better. Turns out that, in Sanskrit, LOPA has a multitude of meanings and synonyms including words that translate to robbing, taking away, plundering, deprivation, loss, destruction, violation, and transgression.But wait, there’s more: The Urban Dictionary has LOPA as meaning joker or clown or one with a proclivity for oversized shoes and bad hair. So, could it be that Eric The Brainless subconsciously despises his father as so many billions of us around the world do?Maybe I’ll just agree with one of Eric The Numbnutz’s twitter responders who just says that LOPA stands for Lock Our President Away.3. Ivanka- Now we come to Ivanka the true heir to the crown of mastery when it comes to the idiot tweet manifesto of her daddy-poo. Eric is bad when it comes to competitive idiotic tweeting, but Ivanka, the T&A of her daddy’s Adderall-hyped eyeballs takes the cake and certainly isn’t going to let anyone have it. It’s hers, hers, hers!Fittingly, on Halloween, Miss Blonde Imbecile of 2019 tweeted out a quote from Thomas Jefferson, our third president and author of the Declaration Of Independence. She tweeted out the quote because in the howling winds of Ivanka’s head, it showed support for daddy. The quote, followed by her commentary goes like this:
”…surrounded by enemies and spies catching and perverting every word that falls from my lips or flows from my pen, and inventing where facts fail them.” –Thomas Jeffers’s reflections on Washington, D.C. in a letter to his daughter Martha. Some things never change, dad!
“Inventing where facts fail them.” No less that George Conway, husband of Kellyanne Conway, the Queen of Alternative facts, grabbed on to that one and tweeted back at Ivanka, “Inventing facts? Have you met your father?” Seemingly thousands of others joined in in a virtual tweet slam. One wrote “Comparing your father to Thomas Jefferson is particularly brain dead.” Another responded with another Jefferson quote, “When speech condemns a free press, you are hearing the words of a tyrant.” Still another respondent pointed out that Jefferson worked his whole life to ensure the president was not above the law. Another tweeted extensively on Jefferson’s disdain for nepotism. In short, Ivanka’s tweet had instigated a near novel sized tutorial on the horrid truth of what her father is. In that, she had topped even Eric.There it is. Case closed. Clearly, their momma ate a cereal bowl of lead paint flakes for breakfast every morning during her pregnancies. If it was up to me, I'd send them on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
