273: The Practice of Living With Integrity (The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Part 6)

Wes Bertrand and I continue our series based on Nathaniel Branden's book, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Today's show includes a discussion based on the sixth pillar, the Practice of Living With Integrity.Do your ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs and behavior line up?Do most people know what their ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs are?The root of self-esteem is not in accomplishment or output, but in our practices. However in school, we are only our output.WORDS AND BEHAVIORS MATCH“Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs—and behavior. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity. If they don't, we lose face in out own eyes."SUPERIORS AND AUTHORITY FIGURESuntrustworthy because of incongruenceBeing an adult with an inconsistent boss was stressful enough"ONLY I WILL KNOW..."-dispel the idea that only the judgment of others counts-TRUTH: only mine counts when it comes to self-esteemLIVING WITH GUILT (original sin is anti-self esteem)1. face and accept full reality, without disowning or avoidance2. seek to understand why we did what we did3. acknowledge to others the harm we've done, convey understanding of consequences4. take restorative action5. firmly commit to behaving differently in the futureSELF ESTEEM isn't taught but IRRATIONAL STANDARDS ARE-religious teachings that damn pleasure, state, culture, societycourage to challenge deepest assumptions of "good"-teaming living consciously with need for integrity to examine values we were taught-Practice of Integrity has inconsistencies in our livesexplore this! why?-challenge: high personal standards while feeling like we're living in a moral sewer, the feeling of a lonely and heroic undertakingPRINCIPLE OF RECIPROCAL CAUSATIONbehaviors that generate SE are also expressions of SEpractice of pillars genesprates a need for them, not work anymore (exercise or nutrition)THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM1. The Practice of Living Consciously2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness5. The Practice of Living Purposefully6. The Practice of Personal IntegrityQuestions to answer in this series:what is self-esteem?why is it important?what can we do to raise self-esteem?what role do others play in our self-esteem?The steps we'll try to follow for each pillar:-identify and define-what are the obstacles-personal stories, struggles-how to overcome themBumper Music:The Who - "Who Are You"Donnie Iris - "Ahh Leah" Free - "All Right Now"Look Closer:Complete Liberty Podcasthttp://completeliberty.com/NathanielBranden.comhttp://www.nathanielbranden.com/An Introduction to Nonviolent Communicationhttp://happinesscounseling.com/NVC_Intro.pdfHappiness Counseling Resource Pagehttp://happinesscounseling.com/happiness-resources/The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (pdf)http://experiencelife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/70-the-six-pillars…