Hot off the presses! Newsflash! This just in…
If you’re a communist, you’re wrong. If you’re a capitalist, you’re wrong. If you’re a socialist, you’re wrong. If you’re a fascist, you’re wrong. If you’re a liberal, you’re wrong. If you’re a conservative, you’re wrong. If you’re a constitutionalist, you’re wrong. If you’re a libertarian, you’re wrong. If you’re on Team Red, you’re wrong. If you’re on Team Blue, you’re wrong. If you’re on Team Green, you’re wrong. If you’re a control freak, you’re wrong. If you’re a social engineer, you’re wrong. If you’re an authoritarian, you’re wrong. If you’re a tyrant, you’re wrong. If you’re a despot, you’re wrong. If you’re a demagogue, you’re wrong. If you’re a Philosopher King, you’re wrong. If you’re laissez-faire, you’re wrong. If you’re a collectivist, you’re wrong. If you’re an individualist, you’re wrong. If you’re a globalist, you’re wrong. If you’re a nationalist, you’re wrong.
Continuing. If you’re watching CNN, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Breitbart, you’re wrong. If you’re watching FOX, you’re wrong. If you’re reading The New York Times, you’re wrong. If you’re watching MSNBC, you’re wrong. If you’re reading InfoWars, you’re wrong. If you’re watching One America, you’re wrong. If you’re watching BBC, you’re wrong. If you’re watching RT, you’re wrong. If you’re reading The Huffington Post, you’re wrong. If you’re watching Meet the Press, you’re wrong. If you’re listening to NPR, you’re wrong. If you’re listening to Rush Limbaugh, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Salon, you’re wrong. If you’re reading The Daily Caller, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Media Matters, you’re wrong. If you’re reading the Washington Post, you’re wrong. If you’re reading The Wall Street Journal, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Time Magazine, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Newsweek, you’re wrong. If you’re reading Foreign Affairs, you’re wrong. If you’re monitoring some of these sources, you’re wrong. If you’re not doing anything on this list, you’re still wrong. If you’re doing everything on this list, you’re most assuredly wrong, and likely a little crazy.
If you think you’re worthless, you’re wrong. If you think you’re hot stuff, you’re wrong. If you’re into nihilism, you’re wrong. If you’re into manifest destiny, you’re wrong. If you’re into fate, you’re wrong. If you’re into free will, you’re wrong. If you think you have it all figured out, you’re wrong, and you’re obviously a fool.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it, and then pass it this way. And pour me a (tall) glass of Zinfandel while you’re at it. I’m so tired of being righteous all the time. I’m so sick of being so so so so so so so serious about everything. So screw it. Let’s all be wrong together for a while whilst basking in the sublime absurdity of perfect sovereignty. Welcome to Anarchy 101. Coming soon to a consciousness near you (maybe even inside your head if you’re lucky).
This has been an opportunity to pause, reflect, meditate, pray, and take a few deep breaths. Now take one more. Now drink a final sip of that wine, and then hand over the rest of the bottle. Now wait for me to catch a decent buzz. Now return to ripping each other’s heads off.
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