Shortly after Bernie’s concession speech, la Clinton pulls Bernie aside for a brief face to face.
“Not too bad, Bernie. You’re getting the hang of it. You know, the Stronger Together thing and all that. Did you steal that from the Remain campaign, you know, over there, in England?”
“Well, uh, you know, I’ve got a few kids who try to keep track of …”
“Whatever …”
“… but the Remain thing didn’t quite work out, you know? I’m kind of afraid of the associations a lot of folks might make …”
“Not to worry, Bernie. Most of these assholes probably figure Brexit is some kind of Latin for ‘fixit’ or ‘breaks it’ or something like that. They might be able to find England on a map, or confuse it with Greenland, or whatever, but Nuland got it right: Fuck the EU, you know? We’ve got those little pansies shitting their pants that Putin is going to invade …”
“Yeah, but he’s not going to …”
“Who cares? We’ve got, you know, our story line all set up, and …”
“Uh, yeah, but you want to do the whole Iraq thing again? Iraq was easy. Russia is another …”
“Not to worry, Bernie. Putin’s all bluster. He doesn’t even have a lot of the big money behind him. Our banks are taking care of that. And speaking of banks, you know, it’s pretty easy to set up a foundation, an institute or whatever, so you can do your thing and keep all your kids excited …”
“Uh, Hil, can I get a few words in here?”
“Sure, Bernie” (as she taps away on some mobile device). “I’ve got a minute …”
“Some of my kids are telling me that Putin has eighty percent plus of his people supporting him …”
“Bernie” (she looks up from her tapping, rolling her eyes), “what do you expect in a dictatorship, even if it isn’t, but that’s how we want the assholes to see it …”
“… and it’s not like you’re real popular. I mean with the email thing, the foundation thing, the big money thing, the foreign policy stuff that didn’t go too well. You’ve got some serious baggage, and the DNC is being kind of dictatorial in its own way and …”
“Bernieee! How many times do I have to remind you that you signed up for this? We had an agreement, right? Now go set up an institute or a foundation or whatever. I’ve got the people you need for that. They’ll find your funding and they can pay your people some eye-watering salaries to keep your kids in line. Consider it a favor, Bernie. Remember the F-35 and all those jobs and state pride and all that?” (Resuming her tapping) “Well, there’s more where that came from … listen, I’ve gotta go …” (walking away and over her shoulder) “you’ll be hearing from my people …”
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