-by Noah An orange President. A purple Majority Leader. Flies laying their eggs on the VP? Is this truly the End Times? So, yeah, what is it with McConnell's bruised skin? Enquirer minds wanna know! My first supposition was that he's into a bit of rough trade. His closeted sexuality has bred whispers for decades so... I've heard "some say" that he has a skin condition that's common with the elderly but I've never seen anything like that in nursing homes and the only time I ever see people with bandaids on their knuckles, I know they've been in a fight. Did the neighbor of fellow Kentucky $enator Rand Paul pay him a visit? "Some people" are offering that it's the result of blood thinners but I've never seen that anywhere either, and I have a lot of friends taking blood thinners. Now, "some people are saying" (Republicans) that he fell, sort of like the ol' "I ran into a door" thing. I doubt McConnell runs that fast. Perhaps his shipping magnate drug courier father-in-law had a message delivered over some drug deal or a deal with Chy-y-y-na. I'd like to think that Schummer beat him up, but Schummer is too much of a wimp. Trump or one of his brain-rotted kids might have done it if he gave Trump some sort of bad news reality check about something; all sorts of possibilities on that one. Putin? A COVID-19 side effect? Just his massive evil taking over his physical appearance like some sort of cheezy horror film? One thing is for sure, the longer McConnell avoids giving a substantial answer, the more stories and theories will be concocted. Imagination loves to fill a void! These days, you don't even need that void! Thinking of QAnon on that one. Personally, I'd like to see it cost him re-election or, if he is re-elected, just keel over dead within hours. Although, a slow, lingering painful death for him would be more just. Does thinking that make me a bad person in the eyes of others? Like I care. Oh, and I deeply resent whatever healthcare he's getting being paid for by our taxes. Fuck him. I hope blood starts shooting from his eyes on national TV. Maybe as he gives a national TV interview on FOX "News" about the confirmation of Amy Coathanger Barrett. That might disturb all those Republican Bible thumpers, bigly! C'mon Mitch! Tell us! Do we have to wait for your alien autopsy?
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