Boomer Finds Bouncing Noodle ‘Outrageous’ Fun

The Fergusons appear divided over the significance of the noodle, though both appear to find the activity ‘stimulating’ when combined with the right boxed wine. For more, purchase my book by clicking the image!

Boomer Finds Bouncing Noodle ‘Outrageous’ Fun

Area Reporter: J.D.

-Boomersville, FL


Area Boomer named Bob Ferguson has recently made a startling discovery: the pool noodle.  “I always thought people looked like dopers or hippies bobbing around on those damn rainbow colored things,” he stated.  “Now, I don’t even care about the war or Trump or the price of eggs in the China – this damn noodle just bobs me up and down into a form of euphoria!”


Wife Dottie Ferguson says she definitely enjoys the noodles and their “jiggery” kind of bounce they offer, but is more skeptical than her spouse about the long term benefits: “I mean, yeah, they’re nice and all and they cup around the thorax and midriff area well and make for damn good fun, but I just don’t see them things as any kind of solution.  Bob used to care about the draft, the economy and celebrating being done with alimony payments, but now it’s all about ‘noodlin’.” 


When questioned about his “better half’s” skepticism, Bob remained firm: “Look – they got us in a bind, the Chinese, the Burmese, the ‘Namese, and it dawned on me there’s nothing I can do.  I love my nation – more than anything – hell, it’s allowed me to come down to Florida for 3 months out of every damn year on the dime of my ungrateful kids’ inheritance. Any other country allow that kind of middle-finger-patriotism?  Not in my book, buster!”   

Other reports confirm area boomers are riveted by the discovery of the noodle.

When asked how this related to the noodle and ‘noodlin,’ Ferguson guffawed with a dabble of Coors dripping down his self-described “1994 Charlie Sheen in The Arrival goatee:” “Hop out here on this noodle with me and crack a Coors and tell me if you still doubt America, little Missy.  Put Trump or Putin or ole Kim HUNG ILL on one of these bad puppies and tell me if we wouldn’t find some damn world peace.”  

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