war, survival, guilt and choice

redemption starts in a dark nightmare
i can’t forget the light behind my eyes
not only when i sleep but, when i hide
inside, forgiveness bursts a fireworks
display of every choice i made to survive
and its cost in lives
not dying became a muscle memory
living a habit to survive
then a habit to forget
then a habit practiced
in a dark nightmare
tears exploding
i choose not to die
at anyone’s hand
not even mine
and step into the light
and cry: all i did
was to survive

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